What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
