All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
