so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
