walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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