There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
