walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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