you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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