life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
