i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
