Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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