I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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