He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
