he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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