So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
