i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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