Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
