Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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