so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
