she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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