You work out of a Hotel?
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
