I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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