sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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