Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
