1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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