I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
