there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
