Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
