i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
