Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
