i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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