Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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