on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
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