I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
