he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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