If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You ruined the universe
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
try to milk me bitch
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