I'm going to jail i love you
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
she pinky promised me she was 18
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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