why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
