Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
