my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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