Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
My feet surprised me
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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