We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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