she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
This baby is an asshole
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
