wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
