HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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