She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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