You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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