someone threw a dead crab at me
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
