that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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