My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
