my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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