Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
