so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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