woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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