It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
