Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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