I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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