How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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