they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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