I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
