so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
